Sometimes, in your quest to get your ex back, you have to think outside the box to get the results you really want. When your heart is breaking, when you’re in the midst of soul-wrenching suffering that often accompanies an unwanted breakup, all you can think about is making the pain stop.

Simple thought processes work best in times of great emotional distress. Breakup equals broken heart. Makeup equals a world without pain.

If only it really were that simple.

You see, getting him back is only half the battle. Things weren’t good for everyone in the relationship or he wouldn’t have found it quite so simple to walk away. Most people don’t leave unless they really feel there’s something missing.

Understand, that I’m not saying it’s YOUR fault he left. Nothing could be further from the truth. Guys are notoriously terrible at even admitting they have needs at all in a relationship, much less at asking for those needs to be met. In your defense, you cannot possibly meet needs you don’t even know exist.

You’re no more of a mind reader than he is, after all. Just as he expects you to understand that, he cannot read your mind. You must make it clear to him, when you do get back together, that you cannot read his mind either.

So what’s this about letting him go?

Many girls in your shoes didn’t read past that point. The idea of letting him go is simply too terrible or tragic to even contemplate right now. But, what if that was the almost certain road to take for winning him back? What if it could more than double your chances for success in your efforts to get him back?

When you follow the right plan, and completely give him up as part of the plan, at least as far as he and the rest of the world is concerned, your chances of success increase exponentially.

Why?

Because when you stop trying so hard to win him back, the real you begins to shine through. That’s when he’s most likely to remember all the reasons he fell in love with you in the first place. He doesn’t want you trying to please and placate — at least not when it means you’re pretending to be someone he knows you’re not.

Go back to the beginning if you want to move forward. When you get there, leave all the excess baggage behind and truly start with a clean slate. See what a difference that makes to your future and how well you’re rewarded by giving up on getting him back and focusing on a completely new beginning instead.